Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
