Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
