i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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