i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
