So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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