You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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