apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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