i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize