This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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