the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
