I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
