I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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