I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
