I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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