there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
