Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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