So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
