I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
