I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
