Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can I color on your dick again?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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