i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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