it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
