what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
