i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize