Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
