I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
