took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
