I'm lost and stupid without you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
