a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
