he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
