Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
