I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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