i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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