Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
