everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
