a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
