You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
