Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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