Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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