woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
