Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
