she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
