theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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