I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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