Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He felt like a one man threesome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
