Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
