just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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