My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
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I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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