Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
