No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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