LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
