Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
