Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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