When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
