I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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