i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
