you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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