Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
