I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
