id be glad to
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
