We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
