Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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