How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
