So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize