she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
