thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
