he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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