I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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